And work on them.
There are many times in life when we don’t get what we want. A business idea fails, we lose an argument, we don’t get the job promotion or pay raise we hoped for. It’s easy to find excuses that absolve us of any blame – people just don’t understand, the other guy pulled some strings, the game is rigged.
Here’s a bit of advice, consider the possibility that you are at fault for the loss. Perhaps you needed to be more articulate or exude more passion in your words. Perhaps you needed to be more political in building support for your ideas. Perhaps you just haven’t proven you deserve that promotion or raise yet.
Whenever you ask yourself a question your mind will come up with answers. You have to be careful to ask the right questions to get helpful answers. Answers that put you into control. “Why didn’t they pick me?” is an open question that invites speculation as answers. “What could I have done better?” helps focus things inward on yourself – where you have the power to make changes.
Blaming others, or blaming the system will only serve to make you bitter. It gives you no actionable steps to do better next time.
Coming up with good answers to these questions requires some knowledge. If you don’t know anything about salesmanship then it is easier to be oblivious to seeing others apply it, or recognising the need for it in yourself.
A broad base of knowledge comes from reading and deliberate learning. Without the foundation you won’t come up with answers on your own. However, being cognisant of your own self to the degree that you can identify when you don’t know and have to rely on an outside perspective is rare. Very rare. We all feel like we have a good grasp of how the world works, when the reality is that we are all clueless. The human mind isn’t sophisticated enough to comprehend the interactions of 7 billion other people.
If you are able to accept your own faults and listen to the criticism you are better than most. If you take action on it, to improve yourself, you are one of the very few who do.