Playing Too Much Halo 2:? Here’s How to tell

PwnedBeen playing a little too much Halo/Halo 2? Have you been wondering if you should take a break maybe to take in some of the Christmas Spirit, or maybe just to reclaim a little of your humanity before Bungie steals your soul with Halo 3? Well all of us here at want to help. So we’ve come up with an accurate list of the Top Ten Symptoms exhibited by people suffering from Halo 2 Overexposure (clinically referred to as Haloverexposure).

(Please note that none of us are psychologists, Medical Doctors, Therapists, or really anyone with any sort of validation to create such a list outside of the fact that we all play Halo.)

Top Ten Signs of Halo Overexposure

While using a Cellphone hands free set you keep getting frustrated when the conversation gets off topic. You intermittently ask where the flag is or if it’s clear to make a run for it. You may or may not conclude the conversation with “Cya back at the spawn”

You’ve said the following words after sudden disappointment occurs: “Honey, I’m so sorry; my plasma rifle must have over heated.” This is quickly followed by a “Beat down” from your significant other and perhaps a moderately spirited attempt to smother you with a pillow.

When driving your kids (one of whom was conceived during a paused game of Myth) to hockey practice in your shiny grey pickup truck you suddenly screech the tires and pull over to the side of the road. You jump out and unzip one of the bags in the back, handing each of your kids a hockey stick. “Quick, you man the turret and you get shotgun, I’ll drive,” you say as you put on a motorcycle helmet and pull the visor down.

When your kids come home from school complaining about being bullied you pause your game only long enough to say. “Jesus! Man-Up bitch and stop being such a noob!” You then resume play only to get killed, at which time you scream, throwing down the controller “F*ck sake! You got me killed you spoiled Brat!! GET TO YOUR ROOM, YOU’RE GROUNDED!!”

For the last 4 Halloweens you’ve used the same 7-Foot tall costume made out of carefully cut up green plastic garbage containers. Surprisingly and perhaps coincidently, on the same day you found this costume in your closet all of the garbage containers in the neighborhood disappeared.

You’ve decided it would be a better image for you if you spoke with that familiar, yet oh-so sexy deep, gruff voice of you know-who. Your wife goes for milk… and doesn’t come back. “She was a noob anyways” You say to yourself in the mirror while wearing reflective sunglasses, “She just couldn’t get the hang of dual wielding.”

When your plasma rifle finally cools down and charges up again you call out for Cortana only to be “beat down” again… But this time you complain when you realize you’ve “respawned” at a checkpoint much earlier in the game. There’s a dull thud. You wake up some time later on the couch with a nagging headache.

Your friends at work ask you what your plans are for this weekend, you tell them you’re having some friends over and throwing a party…. you go home. You login into Xbox Live and play 48hours straight of matchmaking games. What remains on Sunday is a shadow of your former self: Fingers covered in Cheezie powder, a Chocolate ring around your mouth, drool coating the front of your shirt, eyes so bloodshot they hurt to close, and a full bed pan at your feet.

You are disgusted and thoroughly upset as you read an Article on Joystiq about a Game playing Brat overheard on Xbox Live Screaming “MOM! I said GEt me Some MotherF*cking Chocolate MILK YOU BITCH!” As you write your carefully thought out comment, recalling the details of the game, you slowly realize this was you… a 32 year old part-time babysitter screaming at your employer for much needed refreshment as you played on Xbox Live with her Kids.

You wake up in the same cold sweat in a lonely bed in the basement apartment of your Parents’ house with no job, a mushy half eaten bowl of corn flakes next to you with a type-s controller prompting for input, vibrating in your crotch.

If you have presented one or more of these symptoms of over-pwning/over-pwned, PLEASE SEEK HELP. As your Xbox playing brethren, get out of there. At least get to Best Buy or FutureShop. Go where they Recognize you and love to take the hard earned money you’ve made on your paper route; Talk, chat and buy the Xbox 360. Use it to pick up chicks. Hey, maybe you can impress the PMS Clan Chicks.

Of course, if you’re a female and you’ve read this and you have presented one or more of the afore mentioned symptoms…hmmm. We don’t know how to help, we’ve never spoken to girls before… but they look nice… at least Cortana does.

Though in all seriousness
, if you believe you may have a problem with gaming/online/internet addiction, perhaps you should Click Here, The Center for Online and Internet Addiction